Healing

My fingers nervously moved over the contours of the Tree of Life emblem emblazoned on my little green journal as I sat expectantly behind three other people in the wooden pews. I looked down at my journal. The pages contained deep reflections from a weekend of interior examinations, including preparation for the confession I would soon make. Person number three exited the confessional. I slid down the pew. Two more before me. I looked around the sanctuary at the serene and colorful icons stretching floor to ceiling behind the altar in St. Mark's Church. In nearby pews many others, like me, were waiting for a priest to hear their confessions. There was pensiveness, an odd sense of excitement knowing what was to come. Another confession finished. I scooted closer. One person in front of me. The first inklings of vigil Mass were showing -- a musician setting down sheets on the grand piano, a sacristan filling vessels with holy water, a family kneeling reverently with heads bowed as they prayed together. Finally, the last confessee before me entered. I was close to that releasing of tension and sweet absolution. No matter how many times I return, the words are still tonic for my weary soul:

God, the Father of mercies, through the death and resurrection of his Son has reconciled the world to himself and sent the Holy Spirit among us for the forgiveness of sins; through the ministry of the Church may God give you pardon and peace, and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

When I finally made it into the small room with a priest, my confession wasn't groundbreaking. I had brought many of the sins to this place before. Yet something felt different this day. The counsel from the priest was excellent, but that wasn't all. I had been on retreat all weekend with the staff of the John Paul II Healing Center from Tallahassee, Florida. As I exited and said my penance, I felt not only restored to good grace and given hope to become a better version of myself, but this confession felt like the start of a new and definitive direction for my life.

I never realized how much healing I needed until this retreat in Seattle at the end of August. My need for healing doesn't stem from the malicious intent of others. No one is chiefly responsible. I just live with disappointment, hurt, and sin in my heart and around me. So do you. We all do. We are a product of the beautiful but fallen world we occupy.

But it's going to be OK. Jesus is the divine physician, and he will heal us if we invite him to work within. In all the prayer, intellectual arguments, experiences, and lectures of my lifetime, I never had invited Jesus to begin His healing work in me. That changed at this retreat for the Healing of the Whole Person. My healing isn't complete, but it has begun.

I dug into my past, looking at relationships with family and friends, dug into my experiences from childhood and adolescence, dug into my worldview and notions of morality, dug into my mind and heart to find the barriers to abundant life. Jesus was calling me to more.

The integration of my psychological, spiritual, emotional, physical, sexual being is endless in this life, but a greater awareness of what has formed and continues to form me is vital to understanding where and why I struggle. I am imperfect. I sin and sin again, against myself, against others, and against the Lord. I turn inwardly, selfishly. It's not a matter of being bad or good. I am not evil. I am not good. But my actions have moral implications that need constant fine tuning. Confession helps, and a retreat focusing on healing helps further.

It's difficult to convey the power of this healing process because I can't very well talk about my personal wounds in such a public forum, but if you, like me, have ever longed for a deeper understanding and relationship with the Living Lord, the healing that occurred was a mode of making that relationship possible.

The JPII Healing Center offers retreats around the country for marriage, sexuality, seminarians, desire, and other ways of presenting the Great Physician. Can you attend one this year? See for yourself what brought me such deep joy: https://jpiihealingcenter.org/index.php/events.

Direction

The past many weeks brought opportunity for rest, reflection, dreaming, planning, and reconnection. I have not commented on discernment or what I'm doing, so I figured a post was due about where life is headed.

I plan to work for another year at Our Lady of the Valley in Caldwell before returning to seminary to continue formation toward the priesthood. I don't presume to be accepted back into the program, but I have kept in consistent touch with Fr. Caleb Vogel and Fr. Jerry Funke, the Vocations Directors, and with Bishop Peter Christensen, the shepherd of the Diocese of Boise, all of whom encouraged me to re-enter seminary when I am ready. I cannot put words to what held me back from continuing after my two years at Mount Angel, but I felt uneasy enough to break from the program. Peace is important, especially in praying about a commitment that encompasses all aspects of my identity and life, but I am realizing there will always be an unsatisfied longing within. Even if I become a fulfilled priest, even if I become a happy and healthy husband and father, even if I find satisfaction as a single person, my inmost yearning is not for any one of these primary vocations but for holiness, wholeness, and Heaven. Peace comes in the striving, not in the destination of our earthly pilgrimage.

This year I have been fortunate to indulge many interests, especially soccer, cooking, family, blogging, music, sports, and reading. Each piques my discernment meter on occasion -- how I could coach soccer and impact young lives through sports; how I could cook food to nourish people's bodies and souls; how I flirt with having my own wife and children as I play with my nieces and nephews; how I can use blogging as a vehicle for communication and community; how I see music inspire and lead people; how I can employ sports as an agent of gathering and agreement in an increasingly partisan and broken society; how reading a great book can change my outlook and thinking. Yet these thoughts are usually fleeting. They will remain interests, fantasies perhaps, but not the source of my strength and ultimate end.

My ultimate end is to love, to use my vocation to point myself and others to the only Love that satisfies. In the loneliness of having to make a decision, in the joy of having been gifted and chosen for a purpose, in the sharing of life with my beautiful family, I am grateful for this time of introspection and conversion. God is teaching me how to be an agent of change with my limitations and fears. I can love more; I can love better; I can love like Jesus.

If I follow the plan to return as a seminarian for the Diocese of Boise in fall of 2016, I pray that you walk alongside me because I need friends, mentors, challengers, truth-speakers, life-givers, role models, and advocates. I need you to be Christ for me because the meaning of our existence is found in the relationships we build both among each other and with the creator we hold in common.

I will try to post more often, but I won't promise much for now. Life gets busy, and blogging can take a backseat. Thanks for continuing to ask where we are headed, where I am headed, and showing you care with your prayers and encouragement. Incepto ne desistam! May I not shrink from my purpose!

A sunrise at Ascension Monastery in Jerome, Idaho, site of the recent BenedicTEEN Retreat I attended with four teens from Our Lady of the Valley.

The desert has a picturesque hue at dawn.

The road can be long but worth the journey.

God's fidelity is evident in every sunrise.

Lavender is in bloom at Ascension Monastery.

Delusion

For the third or fourth time I am trying to slog through The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins. I don't enjoy it. His arguments go against what I most deeply believe. I get irritated by his snippiness and arrogance. I get sleepy from boredom. Why, then, am I reading it?

Most simply, I want to meet the challenge--the challenge of religious skeptics, of avowed atheists, of searching teens, of many close to me. I think Christ and the Church meet that challenge not just for me but for many. Where Dawkins and his cronies fail, the risen Lord fills the void. I could go into many of the objections I spot as Dawkins makes his case, but I would rather present a hopeful alternative to the negative outlook he presents.

From the start, Dawkins stakes his turf as truth being only that which is based on evidence--observable, measurable data that is repeatedly found to be true, verified by many individuals, and written into fact. Fair enough. He's a scientist (of sorts), so that's how his mind works.

He cites a study on prayer to see if patients with serious illnesses experience any difference based on a Christian community a few states away praying for them. No surprise: There are no discernible differences between patients receiving prayers, those not receiving prayers, and the control group.

He cites the historical and literal inaccuracies from Scripture, particularly surrounding the life of Jesus, even going so far as to say Jesus may not have existed as an historical person.

He cites religion as the major cause of wars and violence.

He looks at weaknesses in philosophical proofs for the existence of God, trying to address the metaphysical foundation of religion that gives a logical spine for believing in a deity.

He addresses the religious experiences so many people cite as evidence for their belief by saying psychological and physiological explanations make more sense than an encounter with a God who much of the world sees as absent.

Dawkins is convincing. His arguments, while not philosophically satisfying, are witty, original, and researched (though I will wait to answer some of his specific arguments in a future post since doing so here will distract from my purpose in writing). I see why he has a legion of people that subscribe to what he is saying, even if they wouldn't identify themselves as his followers. New atheism aims at the human weakness toward absolute control and knowledge. We insatiably crave to know our world and have it mold to our expectations.

However, as convincing as Dawkins can be, he and his contemporaries will not eradicate religion. They will not have lasting disciples. They may win sympathizers in debate, but they won't win the hearts of men and women, which is what spurs life change and religious conversion (or as is the aim of new atheists, religious exodus).

Here's why: The God Delusion is an argument, not a movement; an intellectual game, not a call to purpose; a negation, not an arrow aimed at truth. Dawkins isn't for something; he's only against God and religion. He spends this book and multiple others trying to explain away something he says doesn't exist. There's an idiocy in the logic. Why spend so many pages talking about the unreal? If it's unreal, why don't we just see it like you do? Why is the vast majority of the world convinced there is something beyond this universe? If we're all logical human beings with the capacity for intellectual curiosity to stir our religious understanding, why doesn't everyone just look at the facts you present and agree? If you're right, why are there so many alternatives? If the physical world is all we have, why isn't The God Delusion sufficient?

Each person wants her or his life to have meaning, and negating someone else's meaning does not constitute a purpose in life. What gets each of us out of bed in the morning? Chances are high it's not the demise of others. Even the most evil side of people is in pursuit of something to satisfy the longing for meaning in life. Why do people steal? To provide for themselves or achieve monetary convenience. Why do people lie? To protect themselves, their reputation, or others. Why do people kill? To protect, to uphold a belief, to fix a situation. We have an expectation of how the world should be, and we try to make ourselves and our world meet that expectation. That expectation is our reality, and our reality builds our meaning. Humans beings share a basic need for meaning. That's why the best arguments in the world aren't going to win over the general public. That's why the new atheists, powerful as their logic can be, do not have a satisfying answer to life's deepest mysteries. They aren't conceiving meaning but are tearing it asunder.

New atheist Christopher Hitchens spent years of his life not in discovery but in researching and writing an entire book seeking to undermine and humiliate Mother Teresa and the work accomplished by her order, the Sisters of Charity. He gave his book a title that illustrates the snarky pride (and darkly secular humor) of new atheists: The Missionary Position. Why would someone want to follow such a deeply negative person? Aren't there better ways to use our limited time and abilities?

Humans are complex, beautiful, and more than the body in which we reside. If evolution explains everything we see and experience, there is no room for love, for emotions, for teenage angst, for beauty, for morality, for faith. There is only survival. Why would we have developed the baffling human nature that gives love and takes it if all we were interested in doing was instinctual? We would have no sense of right and wrong if all we cared about was staying alive. If evolution explains us completely, shouldn't there be more Spocks lacking emotion and less tears? There's no logic to our current state. There's no explanation for why a Hallmark commercial makes my sister-in-law cry or why a newborn brings inexpressible joy to parents even though it means a complete life reorientation and sleep deprivation. There's no repeatable science experiment to figure out why we are attracted to some and not others (either romantically, in friendship, or otherwise).

Dawkins and the new atheists are almost exclusively white, well-educated, wealthy males. They see a universe they claim is magnificent and vast, but their own worldviews cloud the intellectual rigor to go beyond what they can take into their senses. Their curiosity is stifled by the scientific method. Our existence is not so bland and restricted.

We are free. We are magnificent. We are explorers. We have reason to believe in something because the physical world before us has a direction that fits into an evolutionary scheme without denying the need for a starting and ending point that cannot be explained away. If evolution is real (and I think it is), what set the process in motion? Who set the process in motion? And why did it happen? What's the point of it all?

The point is this: We are meant to be curious. We are meant to ask questions and not stop seeking answers. The answers are not all-encompassing, just satiating. The beginning and end, the alpha and omega are endlessly debated, but the possibility for God is real, alive, and well.

Dig deep. Dig wide. Dig always. Be a part of something greater than yourself or your mind or your scars, physical and emotional. Our capacity to explore is only exceeded by our capacity to love, and I am grateful for both as a human being. Even if I struggle to slog through The God Delusion, I don't get the sense that I am deluded. Not everything adds up as cleanly as Dawkins would like. Life isn't a thesis. It's an experience. I would rather follow something I know within the recesses of my heart, mind, and soul than spend my life denying what is and has been fundamental to human existence for as long as we know.

Bring on the arguments. I'll stick with faith, love, and hope.

Laughter

A Basque priest arrived at St. John's Cathedral this year. He heard on the radio in his native area that there were no remaining Basque priests serving the Catholic people of the Northwest. What did he do in response? He moved to Boise. He is a true missionary.

Today, Fr. Antonio heard my confession, and he reminded me of an important lesson. My sin was related to pride and taking too personally and seriously the reputation I have with others. His counsel? Laugh at yourself. Don't take yourself or life too seriously. Live in a coherent, faithful way, and do not worry what others think.

I like to think I am fairly secure in my identity, that I can take the criticism, that I don't care much for perceptions. Mostly, I am confident, but I am no finished product. Insecurities persist. Criticism can sting. Growth requires humility.

Laughter helps the process. When mistakes and insecurities become points of shoulder shrugging instead of deep sighing, God's mercy can be welcomed into the space created by the release of tension. I need to laugh more. I need to be more joyful. I needed the reminder from a priest who traveled from Europe to share a snippet of hope in the confessional. Thank you, Fr. Antonio.

My brothers Luke and Michael ran with me in the "toughest race in the Northwest" on Saturday. Robin Creek is 13.1 miles, 2000 feet in elevation climb, and then a straight drop after the peak. Our knees survived, and each of us gratefully completed the brutal course.

Easter

Empty.
Empty.
Empty.
No one is here.
The sky is dark.
The burial cloths gone.
The rock is moved.
The tomb is opened.

Empty.
Empty.
Empty.
No one is here.
The Lord is alive.
The Lord is alive?
The Lord is alive!
Jesus is risen!
Christ has returned!
Hope burns eternal!
Death has no sting!

Where is the Lord? Where is he now?
He walks among us. His wounds to show.
Resurrected, triumphant, conquering, loving.
He walks among us, for us to know.

To know the curtain is shattered.
The Holy of Holies incarnate, made man.
To know God dwells among us.
Just look at his feet, and his side, and his hands.

For me. For you. For us. For all.
The Passion of Jesus made up for our fall.
Our sins forgiven, our scars made clean.
He came not to condemn, but to intervene.

He’s alive. The women see, the apostles too.
Because our hearts he shall always pursue.
The good news is shouted, proclaimed, declared.
By all who not long ago were just scared.

Along the road to Emmaus, he appears again.
Breaking the word open with friends.
He waits for the invite to come inside.
In bread he appears and will always abide.

To the doubting, he puts the hand in his flesh.
The wounds are still there, the scarring is fresh.
Blessed are those who without sight still believe.
That Christ has risen anew, that Him we receive.

That like an egg he embodies new life.
That like a flower our hope can now bloom.
That at Easter each year we rejoice
That Jesus has risen from the tomb.

New life we celebrate. A genesis amended.
His grace sufficient. His body and soul ascended.
This is our faith, the faith of the Church.
This is the longing for which our hearts search.

Join in the chorus. Sing praise to the Lord.
For he is our King. Our hope is restored!

Coming

Goodness

...and the angels are silent.

Feet

I volunteered today at the Corpus Christi House in Boise at a foot washing clinic. I was not the washer (that was left to podiatrists and nurses). My friend Frankie and I prepared tubs for foot soaking and removed them after use. Over 50 people--almost all of whom were homeless or living in poverty--received treatment ranging from cleaning, clipping, filing, and massaging. Each person seemed genuinely grateful.

I was grateful, too, for the experience and the reminder that Jesus does whatever it takes to meet us, welcome us, involve us, challenge us, love us. He enters into the dirty depths of our fallenness individually and collectively. He showers us with streams of mercy, water, and blood. He feeds us His Body and Blood in the Holy Eucharist. He gives us strength for every journey.

And tonight? Tonight he washes our feet.

Eyes

I went to a teen's dance recital this evening. Many groups performed, quite a few individuals danced solo, and the pride and appreciation of parents and friends was apparent. The ladies worked diligently at their craft and showed tremendous growth and skill this night.

Still, something else stuck with me. To most, it was a passing moment that evoked a gentle smile or a mild laugh. Between dance routines, a slight, blond-haired boy of three or four came to the gym floor. The Vallivue High School band was playing intermittent music to pass the break, and the boy used the music to mimic the moves he had seen many of the young women execute minutes earlier. He twirled and hopped and added his own take. As he did all this, the crowd murmured about his cuteness, and with dozens of eyes on him, the boy took little notice. He danced away. The boy's eyes were fixed on only one person: His father.

In all his contortions and twists, a smile continued on the blond-haired boy's tender face, and a constant glance into the bleachers was met with consistent approval from his daddy's gaze. He did not care about the audience's approval or the snippet of fame he was experiencing; he only wanted his father's love.

We should all be set on the gaze of our Father. Where are our eyes fixed as we dance?

Wheels

One of my prayers as I've been contemplating a new car is that I would be a good steward with what I have been given. I want to use my resources well without over-indulging. This line of thinking led me to used vehicles mostly. A 2003 Honda Civic with only 64,000 miles. A 2010 VW Jetta TDI with diesel but a bad maintenance record. Some Ford Fusions and Edges that didn't quite meet my hopes for gas mileage.

I never imagined I would be talked into a new car. In fact, when I asked my uncle (my family's resident car expert) for advice in my search, the one thing he told me was to steer away from buying new.

I did it anyway.

I bought a 2015 Toyota Prius. The deal was this: $5,750 off, 0% interest, 60-month payment plan, two years of regular maintenance (oil changes, tire rotation, fluid levels, general checkup), and a warranty that covers bigger mishaps for seven years. I hope to be driving this baby for the foreseeable future, and getting 50 or more miles to the gallon while I do it.

Mileage

After a road trip to Mount Angel and Seattle, I returned to Boise tonight carried home safely by my vehicle of almost 10 years.

My 2000 Toyota Camry took me through college, into youth ministry, away to seminary, and back to living in Boise. I wonder how many times I have turned the key in the ignition this decade to the reliable sound of the engine firing and the dashboard illuminating. I know well the quirks of the vehicle--the broken seal on the driver's side, the key scratch all along the passenger side, the cassette player, the two tiny dents (but not cracks) in the windshield, the trunk light being deactivated so the battery doesn't drain--and I love my Camry despite the flaws.

But the time to sell and upgrade is coming soon. It will be farewell to a fine vessel for many journeys. I hope some nervous teenager being handed keys for the first time might have use for my old machine so the adventures may continue.

For now, I'm on the hunt for new wheels. Anyone have suggestions?

Celebration

A great reminder as we begin Holy Week this Palm Sunday. What are we remembering and celebrating?

Passion

I'm going to see this tonight...

Saints

As I visit my former parish at St. Elizabeth Ann Seton, I see little saints serving the people and God in their small but significant ways.

The three Missionary of the Holy Spirit priests concelebrate Daily Mass, sharing the duties of the liturgy with one carefully preparing the altar for the main celebrant to approach and begin the Eucharistic prayers. The tender touch of the priest to the corporals, the chalices, and the hosts is noticeable. With one hand over heart, he hands the ciborium to his brother priest.

The elderly gentleman with keys to the church w comes nightly to repose the Blessed Sacrament in the Adoration Chapel. Most never see the man (his name is Daniel) because of the hours he keeps, but he makes this weekday practice of Adoration possible for the parish.

The small group of Filipino women that pray daily in the Mass and often in the chapel afterward to offer the Divine Mercy Chaplet and Rosary. They will feed you, take care of you, and give endless hospitality.

The maintenance man who meticulously cleans toilets, dusts the blinds, vacuums the floors, straightens the pews. He ever so quietly and gently reads theology and spiritual books, lives simply, and loves the community deeply in his work of service.

The jovial volunteer who cleans the pantry. The dishes are straight; the pots and pans are in place. On her weekends, she goes to food festivals and feels excitement over large drawers that would further organize the kitchen facility. Her gift to the community comes in little things. All their gifts to the community come in little things.

Saints, living among us, serving among us, praying among us, inspiring us. Who are the saints in view for you today?

Change

Change requires time and patience. Culture change requires these qualities even more. In envisioning the ideal church and trying to lead people to encounter God, the culture of our parishes will inevitably need tinkering. People usually do not like tinkering. We like comfort. We like our expectations to be met. We like to be content, but contentedness can lead to stagnation.

Jesus loved each person individually, authentically, and completely, but he also challenged each person to persevere in conversion and growth. "Go, and sin no more." The command requires movement on our part, and it requires an ongoing process of growth.

Let's begin a movement. Let's forge ahead on behalf of Christ. Let's change the church. Let's transform the culture. Let's be the Body. Let's know, love, and serve. Let's go.

Mouthful

Peach fritter. Voodoo Donuts.

New

My friend Frankie and I were talking about the Eucharist, particularly about receiving the Eucharist--who ought to receive and who ought to abstain. For a newcomer to Mass, a non-practicing Catholic, or a fellow Christian from another denomination, approaching the Eucharist is challenging because we ask those not in full communion with the Church to receive a blessing instead of the Body and Blood. Catholics are also encouraged to be in a state of grace (with no mortal sin) before receiving the Body and Blood.

This is a sign of respect foremost. To receive Jesus Christ in his body, blood, soul, and divinity under the disguise of bread and wine we ought to be fully aware of the gift and love present in the sacrament--the meal, the man, and the mystery. While this is true, even the most knowledgeable and devout Catholic can spend a lifetime pondering the Eucharist. And every one of us is a sinner in need of redemption.

Yet Christ always approached sinners. Christ embraced them in their current state. He loved them. We can strive to do the same.

Jesus wants us at the Eucharistic feast, but he also wants us on the path of conversion. Learning about the faith before embracing it through communion, returning regularly to the Sacrament of Reconciliation in acknowledgement of our brokenness--these are the ways we know the world is both redeemed and being redeemed, that Christ has arrived and will return, that the Kingdom is here and now and still to come.

We live imperfectly. During Holy Week, we once again embrace the Passion of our Lord. We take up the cross. We love. We follow. We are made new.

Personality

I'm a fan of the Myers-Briggs Inventory. Here's something fun involving the MBTI leading up to Holy Week: Which saint has your personality type and how do they celebrate Holy Week because of it? If it's too small to read, click here.

Paschal

I'm back at Mount Angel Seminary for a visit this week. In a fortuitous twist, I scheduled my visit when the funeral Mass and celebration of life for Father Paschal Cheline is taking place. Fr. Paschal died last week a joyful man, a holy Benedictine monk, a lover of fine art and music and novels, a teacher to the end, and a soul who impacted thousands of men being formed for the priesthood.

My friend from the seminary Dean Marshall explains some of the gifts Fr. Paschal shared in this memorial piece. My favorite memory is of hearing Fr. Paschal joyfully share Liturgical Tidbits on Tuesdays with the seminarians. He took about five minutes to teach briefly on Mass and prayer etiquette and procedure. The commentary was always lively and applicable. The lesson that most stuck with me is Fr. Paschal's take on the proper pronunciation of "impious." The word appears a couple times in the breviary prayers. Most would say it the traditional American way: imm-PIE-us. Fr. Paschal exhorted us to speak otherwise. "Never say imm-PIE-us again! It's IMM-pee-us!"

Now whenever the word comes up in the psalms, I have a built-in memory of Fr. Paschal. I always crack a smile (not a hard or uncommon thing for me to do). A man who shared small lessons with great joy--that's Fr. Paschal to me. May his rest be eternal and as joyful as his earthly life.

Belief

be·lief 
/bəˈlēf/  noun

1. an acceptance that a statement is true or that something exists

2. trust, faith, or confidence in someone or something

I believe in the experiences I have had of God's active presence in my life.

I believe in the experiences people I know have described to me of God's active presence in their lives.

I believe in the Church that began the university system, invented the scientific method, cared for the sick and destitute, has survived for two millennia, and that feeds more people, clothes more people, shelters more people, and educates more people every day than any other organization in the world could dream of doing.

I believe in the truth, goodness, and beauty shown by the lives of the saints, in all their variety and vibrancy.

I believe in hope because the alternative leaves me no reason to live.

I believe in the material world, in the discovery and mystery of its vastness and intricateness, in the evidence it yields that points to an underlying engine spurring its movement and evolution, an engine I and millions of others call God.

I believe in the testimony given by martyrs of the faith from the earliest days of Christianity to the current millennium when more people have been killed for their belief in Jesus Christ than in any century before.

I believe in the inspiration of the Holy Spirit to prompt the writers of the Bible and especially the Gospels to record what God intended us to know of salvation history because it is His-story.

I believe Jesus when He says the bread and wine are His true Body and Blood because he did not qualify the statement, because He appeared in the breaking of the Bread on the road to Emmaus, because He wanted to be with us always, and because Jesus Christ is God incarnate.

I believe in the Catholic Church not because of its great people but because of its unshakeable foundation in Christ who promised us the gates of hell would not prevail but that Love would triumph.

I believe in the end of the story because the Kingdom of God has come and is coming.

I believe.

What do you believe?

Steak

John Smith was the only Protestant to move into a large Catholic neighborhood. On the first Friday of Lent, John was outside grilling a big juicy steak on his grill. Meanwhile, all of his neighbors were eating cold tuna fish for supper. This went on each Friday of Lent.

On the last Friday of Lent, the neighborhood men got together and decided that something had to be done about John. He was tempting them to eat meat each Friday of Lent, and they couldn't take it anymore. They decided to try and convert John to be a Catholic. They went over and talked to him and were so happy that he decided to join all of his neighbors and become a Catholic. They took him to Church, and the Priest sprinkled some water over him, and said, "You were born a Baptist, you were raised a Baptist, and now you are Catholic." The men were so relieved, now their biggest Lenten temptation was resolved.

The next year's Lenten season rolled around. The first Friday of Lent came, and just at supper time, when the neighborhood was setting down to their tuna fish dinner, came the wafting smell of steak cooking on a grill. The neighborhood men could not believe their noses! WHAT WAS GOING ON?

They called each other up and decided to meet over in John's yard to see if he had forgotten it was the first Friday of Lent. The group arrived just in time to see John standing over his grill with a small pitcher of water. He was sprinkling some water over his steak on the grill, saying,

"You were born a cow, you were raised a cow, and now you are a fish."

source: http://www.jokebuddha.com/Lent#ixzz3V5Z9dCle

Matter

Rebuilt by Father Michael White and Tom Corcoran, pp. 259-261 

You are not alone in your heartbreak as you watch people walk away from the Church in droves. You are not alone in your sadness to see it drift into irrelevance in the lives of so many people including your own family and friends. You are not alone in feeling frustrated about the current state of the local parish enterprise you serve. You are not alone in wanting things to go better.

You are not alone in believing that the Church should be a place where people connect with their heavenly Father, come to know their Savior, and learn to walk in step with the Holy Spirit. You are not alone in seeking to help lead people into a joyful and loving celebration of the Eucharist. You are not alone in your desire for the Church to provide meaning, purpose, and direction in people's lives. You are not alone in expecting life-changing outcomes from the incredible work you're already doing. You are not alone in wanting your congregation to have a greater impact on your community, connecting more people to Christ.

You are not alone. God is with you. God desires these things even more deeply than you do. And perhaps he has placed you exactly where you are "for such a time as this." And more than that, he's raising up still others who share that same passion to provide the vitality for a movement whose moment has come. Obedient to the Magisterium, this moment is all about giving fresh impetus to the directions set by the Second Vatican Council, reinvigorating the noblest efforts of the Catholic Church, and returning to what God's word itself tells us--his Church--to do.

We are called to give leadership to a movement whose moment has arrived: to rebuild parish life in the Catholic Church in the United States. It is a movement of the whole Body of Christ as well, to take back our Church from casual consumer Christians and put it in the hands of humble and bold believers transformed by their faith and transforming society.

And when you move, others will, too. Because people are hardwired to get into a movement. People love movements. God made us that way. Even if the desire is dormant, it is there, and you can awaken it.

We can call our congregations to the challenge of discipleship and get them growing as fully devoted followers of Jesus Christ. We can make our parishes wellsprings of vitality and spirit that energize our disciples to help them become more convincing witnesses in our community. We can make an impact on the next generation for Christ. Instead of a stumbling block and obstacle course, people far from God can begin to see the Church as a great place to come to know him. Our growing disciples can joyfully serve one another and model missions that aim at restoring creation and renewing the face of the earth.

This book is not just about doing church differently. This is about being part of a movement to change people's experience of the Church so that our society is more and more transformed by Christ. It is not only something worth dying for, it is something worth living for--something worth giving your life to. And that is the movement of the kingdom of God. It is not a "religious" movement; it is a "kingdom movement." It's about the movement of the kingdom of of God.

The Lord's acts of mercy are not exhausted, his compassion is not spent; They are renewed each morning--great is your faithfulness! (Lamentations 3:22-23)

Every day there are new waves of mercies and grace God is sending your way. God wants to do something in your local church community that he is not doing anywhere else. There is a great work through you and your people he will not repeat, a unique story that he will never tell again.

Great parish leadership demands the vision to see that. And that means you've got to be looking for it, hungering for it, fasting and praying for the great work God wants to do through you. There is a mission, but he is waiting on a leader. God is waiting on you to raise your hand and say, "I'll step up. I'll do the heavy lifting and the hard work. I'll take the bullets and the criticism, but I can't take the mediocrity and irrelevance anymore. I can do this!"

Think about it. This is the Church that Christ founded and died for. This is the Church that holds the fullness of the faith and teaches with uncompromising authority on moral matters. This is the Church that serves as steward of the Eucharist and the other sacraments. This is the Church that blessedly preserves and everywhere promotes devotion to our Savor's Blessed Mother. This is the Church of the apostles and their successors, the martyrs, and the heroes of the Christian centuries: Peter and Paul, Jerome and Augustine, Francis of Assisi, Thomas Aquinas, Catherine of Siena, Thomas More, Ignatius Loyola, Mother Teresa, and Pope John Paul II.

This is the Body that Christ forms as his own and charges to transform society through the introduction of the kingdom of heaven on earth. It is quite simply the hope of the world. And believe it or not, you hold that hope in your hands in your local parish church. Use it.

Make church matter.

Inconceivable

I have been running up the Council Spring trail in the Boise foothills lately, and the climb is brutal--2,700 feet in 5 miles. As I ran on Saturday, I passed a mountain biker in bright brick red exercise gear at the beginning of my run, not thinking much of it. Very few people go past a gate two miles up. In fact, I hadn't seen anyone after the gate in three other times running the trail.

Most of the time the trail was too rocky and curvy to look back, but at one point I saw an opening that allowed me to view my progress. As I peered down the trail, I saw a bright brick red dot moving toward me, back some ways but scooting along steadily. Inconceivable. He was trekking upward behind me! The mountain biker never did catch me. I ran my five miles, turned around, and saw him face-to-face on the way down.

Still, the encounter reminded me of this scene. What a great movie.

Healing

“Do you want to be well?”

Jesus asks the sick man this question in today's gospel reading. He addresses a man who had been ill for 38 years. 38 years. He is presumably elderly (or at least looks elderly based on having an illness for such a length of time). He lives in perpetual quarantine with other "ill, lame, blind, and crippled" people separate from greater society. So, yes, Jesus. I think he wants to be well. Duh.

Sometimes God asks such obvious questions: To Adam and Eve as they hid after the original sin: "Where are you?" To Elijah after the great prophet fell into a lustful life with Jezebel: "What are you doing here, Elijah?" To the disciples after they had dropped everything to follow him for some time, witnessing his miracles and teachings more closely than anyone: "Who do you say that I am?" To Peter after he stripped himself and hopped out of the boat in jubilation to swim to Jesus: "Do you love me?"

God knows the answers, of course, being omnipotent and omnipresent and omniscient and omneverything. Duh. The teacher asks of the student questions to which he possesses answers. The questions have obvious answers, but they point to a lack of self awareness. The simplicity of the questions is the very heart of our call to discipleship.

Where are you?
What are you doing here?
What do you say that I am?
Do you love me?

And today's question: Do you want to be well?

Jesus asks me that question repeatedly as I fall and fail and stumble and backslide, fumbling to find Him again. As I examine my conscience, as I reflect on my day, as I write my shortcomings, as I wait in line Saturday afternoon, as I pray for contrition and awareness of sins, as I gently shut the door and hear the "Occupied" light click on, as I kneel, as I lay out my darkness, as Christ meets me in the light, as His hands raise through the priest, as the words of absolution ring, as I offer thanks and salutations, as I gratefully fulfill penance, as I enter into the world afresh, as I approach the communion table renewed.

"Do you want to be well?"
"Yes, Lord. I do."
"Arise. Take up your mat and walk."

Jeans

As part of our series on the Corporal Works of Mercy, the middle schoolers spent two Sundays this year making shoe patterns out of jeans for Sole Hope, an organization that makes shoes from the jeans for children in Uganda. Their efforts provide jobs to locals and footwear to children that halts the spread of many foot diseases, including jiggers, a parasite that burrows and spreads in the foot. The high schoolers joined in the Sole Hope effort this week. Thanks to our teens we have almost 100 pairs of shoes to send to Sole Hope.

Saltwater

As part of my Lenten journey I decided to give up TV. I'm not scrupulous. I catch pieces of programming my parents watch and take a break on Sundays, but mostly I leave the screen off each night in favor of reading, writing, surfing the internet, or taking up a project.

On Sunday, I took my break. I watched a couple episodes of The Office. Before Lent, I started watching the final season of the show. In college I had gotten into the story and characters, but I lost interest in later seasons and never finished. Since I am caught up on most of my favorites, I thought I would go back and cap The Office experience. It has moments of good humor, but I was disgusted by a raunchy, way-too-graphic conversation for network television in the episode I watched Sunday. Is this the best we can do for humor? Isn't cleaner comedy possible?

As much as I enjoy TV and get into storylines and characters, all the media I consume is unsatisfying. Families are imperfect, plots become contrived, personalities seem inauthentic.

Don't get me wrong. I love a good show. I watch more than I ought. Sometimes I want mindless entertainment. Heck, often I want mindless entertainment. Still, I have enjoyed the intentionality of my time during Lent being freer than usual of constant media consumption. I came up with an analogy that seems appropriate to my experience as I was driving home this week.

The endless waves of media surrounding my day--TV, radio, podcasts, newspaper, advertising, internet, on and on--form an ocean around me. I float atop my faith in Christ and His Church, relying on its sturdiness as my safeguard. Being exposed amid the open waves makes me thirsty, at times unquenchably thirsty. I am surrounded by water, and so I take a sip. It's not satisfying because it's saltwater; it just makes me thirstier, yet I can't stop drinking. I develop an appetite for it. The water seems to quench while actually having the opposite effect. No matter how much I drink, I can't shake the thirst.

I know what I need, and it's not saltwater. That's obvious. On a life raft in the ocean, you and I would know not to drink from the ocean surrounding us. Yet that's what we do all the time with our media-saturated lives. Where is the fresh water in your life and mine that actually satisfies?

In silence. Quiet. Reflection. Prayer. Pockets of sabbath in a whirlwind day. Connecting with the Lord. Being the beloved. Embracing the tension of the Kingdom come and coming.

"Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life." -John 4:13-14

Books

Matthew Kelly says that if Catholics read one great book about the faith each year (just one!), lives would begin to be transformed. I have said here often I am not a prolific reader, but I try to read a little bit every day. Everyone can read for five or ten minutes before bed.

Great books can change our perspective, refresh us, and give inspiration. Fr. Paschal Cheline, OSB, a monk from Mount Angel, passed away this week after a lifetime of service to the church and to forming men for the priesthood. One of his favorite pieces of advice was to read novels. Read stories that teach us about people and the world. Read them with a lens of being a Jesus follower. Read them for pleasure. Read them to learn. Do not cease reading.

I am reading, if not a lot, a little at a time. As I have remarked often lately, the book Rebuilt is my current favorite. I devoured the first time through, stopping short near the end because I was enjoying it so much I didn't want to finish. Then, for the first time in my life, I turned around and started from the beginning. I learned just as much and enjoyed it just as much on the return trip. What else is on my reading list?

Rebuilt: Awakening the Faithful, Reaching the Lost, and Making Church Matter by Fr. Michael White and Tom Corcoran

Forming Intentional Disciples: The Path to Knowing and Following Jesus by Sherry Weddell

To Save a Thousand Souls: A Guide to Discerning a Vocation to the Diocesan Priesthood by Fr. Brett Brannen

The Machine: A Hot Team, a Legendary Season, and a Heart-stopping World Series: The Story of the 1975 Cincinnati Reds by Joe Posnanski

The Book of Basketball: The NBA According to the Sports Guy by Bill Simmons

The Book Thief by Markus Zusak

Boundaries: When to Say Yes, When to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend

What about you? What books have you read? What books should I read?

Halle...

Ashes

Meal

ICYC

There were conspicuous absences at the Idaho Catholic Youth Conference this weekend. Sleep? Lacking. Meat? None of it on Friday. Worries? Melted away. Defenses? Down after a few hours.

The result was an environment open to worship, the movement of the Holy Spirit, authentic friendship, and encounter with the living God. Retreats are focused times away from the obstacles of discipleship. Everyone needs periodic renewal and refocus. For teens experiencing this environment for the first time, the immersion is overwhelming and incredible.

In their written responses on Saturday night, many of the teens in my group wrote about their surprise. Surprise at God's presence. Surprise at the immense sense of community in a crowd of 1,600. Surprise at how much they enjoyed the entire program. Surprise at the relevance of the message. Surprise at their sudden openness to God's will and transformative work.

The entire weekend is laid out to ease participants into a journey. There's a reason they want everyone to be tired by Saturday night--God meets us in our vulnerability, when we can't construct the walls to barricade us from our vulnerabilities anymore. We are before the Lord, and God meets us as we are.

Now that the encounter has occurred, the trick is realizing that though the Lord wants us in our current state, we are loved too much to remain there. The journey, the growth, the discipleship has only begun.

Consumerism

Does this sound familiar?

Our system understood the "hook" we had into their [parishioner] lives and essentially coerced them to do all the things they didn't want to do: attend regularly, give us money, and keep their kids in religious education. We kept dreaming up new rules to try to make the system work for us while they kept figuring out new ways to circumvent our rules to make the system work for them. The result was the mutual cynicism to which a consumer mentality can easily lend itself. Author Dallas Willard believes, "The consumer Christian is one who utilizes the grace of God for forgiveness and the services of the church for special occasions, but does not give his or her life and innermost thoughts, feelings, and intentions over to the kingdom of the heavens. Such Christians are not inwardly transformed and not committed to it." (Rebuilt, Fr. Michael White and Tom Corcoran, p. 18-19)

We face a consumer culture in our churches. The people in our pews want sacraments, and we tell them what they have to do to get them--go to youth group all but two Sundays of the year, attend this retreat, fill out these forms, learn these prayers, and you will get the grace you're requesting. Especially in Catholic churches, an exchange of goods seems to be the center of attendance instead of an encounter with the living God present in Word, Sacrament, priest, and people. When did this happen? And how?

Reactions

I passionately believe in the power of God moving through retreat ministry. Why? Here is reaction from teens and chaperones from OLV after ICYC:

In Adoration tonight the hand of teens were raised, the tears flowed, healing spread, and the King of the Universe was revealed in the disguise of bread and wine. Thank you for making this experience possible. A few of our youth were awakened to a possible call to the religious life and each one of the 51 that attended created new friendships, experienced the young church, and encountered Christ in a fresh and profound way.

It was such a beautiful weekend and really invigorated my faith journey. As a youth leader, I could see all youth benefitted from attending.

With your help I understand more about God and why he died for our sins.

This weekend was amazing, and I never felt this happy in me knowing that God is actually with us.

Thank you so much for your generous gift. I got the honor to chaperone the teens from our parish but ended up being blessed to see the Holy Spirit work in their lives. I believe our parish has a bright future.

My favorite part was when they brought out God to us [in Adoration]. It was a very emotional moment, and I usually hate emotional moments, but it was extremely amazing. I felt happy and willing to change.

I was touched by the stories and testimonies of teens as they felt Christ’s presence this weekend. This was a very spiritual and touching experience. We experienced Christ through Adoration and the music playing. Without your help we wouldn’t have the amazing opportunity.

 

It was a great experience we didn’t just make a better bond with God but with ourselves. We also realized that there is so much out there to life than just friends and family and more. There’s God there for us and even if we make a mistake we aren’t a mistake.

In better understanding the saints and in getting closer to my God I feel that I am ready to finish my Confirmation journey.

ICYC helped me in my journey of becoming an adult.

I really enjoyed ICYC. Not only was it fun but I connected to God more than I ever have!

I have become a better person and will continue to be a servant of Jesus Christ. The ladies workshop showed me what true beauty is. Sr. Miriam made me look at life with a new perspective.

To be honest I was always kind of skeptical about my faith, but this weekend has helped to solidify my beliefs.

You’ve helped someone enjoy and witness God and the Holy Spirit. Maybe that is what they needed, and there are not enough thank yous in the world.

Without your help many wouldn’t been able to experience the power of God’s love. That is something you can’t compare to anything else. Thank you for helping guide many to a righteous path by the side of God.

I’ve never seen so many people come together and pray and bond.

I have been with the youth this weekend as they have grown deeper in their faith. Christ is totally present in their hearts.

This experience is one I will never forget for the speakers touched my heart and opened my mind. During Adoration I felt my soul touched by the Holy Spirit in such a way that I feel like I will never be the same again. Words cannot describe the gratitude I feel for being able to have come to ICYC.

Devices

I remember facts and teachings better when the words play upon one another, so lately as I envision ministry and dream of what it could be, I try to make the words dance and stick in the mind.

Sacrament preparation should help us know (catechesis) and grow (discipleship).

There will be four areas of focus for discipleship groups: Meet (large group gatherings), Message (topical teaching and discussion), Ministry (service within the parish), and Mission (service outside the parish). (There are also a couple of social nights where we Mingle.)

Being Catholic should teach us to know God (and neighbor), love God (and neighbor), and serve God (and neighbor). We use our head, heart, and hands.

Our faith in Jesus Christ makes us alive! We are beyond the pray, pay, and obey paradigm of old.

In teaching about the Eucharist, I explain the Man, the Meal, and the Mystery. Christ is present at our family dinner where we encounter something more profound than we can grasp.

In the wedding vows and in every person and relationship we encounter, we are called to offer free, total, faithful, fruitful love.

All these memory devices give some direction to my ways. Memory devices can be silly, but they are useful in recalling the things that really matter and clarifying a vision.

Follow

Prettiness

Too Pretty to Be a Nun?
An article by Angela Svec on Huffington Post

When I tell people I'm going to be a nun, they are shocked. Their eyebrows shoot up, their jaws drop, their beers spill onto the bar.

"You're too normal to be a nun," they say.

"You're too smart."

"You're too pretty!"

This last one took me by the greatest surprise -- as if acne or a big nose is a prerequisite to being a nun.

My looks have even been addressed by the religious communities I've visited as I seek my spiritual home. Three different orders seized on my name, Angela, and took to calling me Angelina Jolie!

People are baffled that my exterior -- a 27-year-old who used to work at Clinique and peruses Pinterest for fashion inspiration -- could reflect an interior longing for consecrated life and its seemingly antiquated vows of celibacy, poverty and obedience.

Their questions have forced me to confront my self-image. Who do I see in the mirror? How do I appear in God's eyes? How does one affect the other?

When I lived with the Poor Clare nuns in Belleville, Ill., I discovered that their monastery has no mirrors.

To continue reading, click here.

Disappointment

"Disappointment is not always a bad thing. In our case, it became a kind of catalyst for our competitive natures and core conviction that church ought to work. Christ promised it would work. Despite our original lack of interest, we found ourselves increasingly intrigued by the problems we were discovering and eventually eager to rise to the challenge. How could we stem the decline, revive our parish, and actually start making it grow? Int he face of so much failure, how could we succeed?" (Rebuilt, Fr. Michael White and Tom Corcoran, p. 26)

Sheep

My drive into work today featured a new encounter for me. I'm not in Boise anymore.